NUN POSSESSED BY SPIRIT
OF VEGAS STREETWALKER
“It’s awful. I want to be filled with the holy spirit, not the spirit of some heathen Nevada skank.” That is the impassioned complaint of Sister Ignatia Smith of the Holy Covenant of Nun People who believes her previously unsullied body has been possessed by the ghost of a cheap whore from the neon city. “Her name is Trixie LaRue, the sloppiest sex worker in sin city,” Ignatia continued. “I mean I wouldn’t mind the hooker part so much, but Las Vegas is SO tacky. Well, David Copperfield is okay I guess, but the rest of it – ick!” The Mother Superior of the convent first suspected something was amiss when Ignatia leapt up in the middle of vespers and yelled, “I’ll let you spank me for 40 bucks!” “Then when Ignatia started wearing fishnet stockings and platform heels under her robes and a line of Johns formed outside the abbey, I was sure,” Mother S said sternly. “I began shunning the girl immediately and we commenced en masse in mass to isolate and judge her for something completely out of her control, just as the good Lord intended.” “It’s not fair. Why me?” Ignatia whimpered through her wimple. “I thought what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas. Well why didn’t SHE stay there? I don’t want that diseased harlot inside me. No vacancy, lady! There’s no room at the inn!” A spokesman for the Catholic Church declined to comment, which is weird because his title is literally “spokesman for the church,” but he was heard muttering to himself as he walked away that Sister Ignatia was already “the sluttiest of the nuns anyway.” |